Memories of Amma’s first USA Yatra 1987 – part 7

Often it was the case where there was only $5 in my pocket, but somehow Amma always made sure that I was getting by. Old friends from college would drive me far and wide, or someone from a video show would offer a Greyhound bus ticket for me to get to the next place. Hundreds and then thousands of miles passed by in those six weeks; it was me, my backpack, and an intense longing to bring Amma to Her children.

Finally March 20th arrived and I had made it to New York City. Whew! In one week the brahmacharins would arrive in San Francisco and we would begin the pre-tour. My family in Boston had generously offered to fly me back in time to meet them on the 26th. The overall feeling was that all was progressing well. Yet a nagging concern was there, I must admit. My hope had been that there would be more financial security by this point, but there was not. Nothing more than my getting to the next town had materialized. But I had to keep going, the planning was too far along to worry about small things.

The bigger problem was that I didn’t have a way to get to Boston. I was staying in the city with a childhood friend’s mom, Ann Wyma, who taught theatre at NYU. She had kindly arranged a video show that night on-campus. I was pretty sure it would be a good turn out and that someone I had yet to meet might have a ride for me to Boston. It had happened before.

Can you imagine my disappointment when I arrived to do the video show and only one person turned up? And he thought it was a video about the martial arts of Kerala. He felt so sorry for me that he stayed while I lit the oil lamp and spoke of Amma and the upcoming tour. Needless to say, he was not heading to Boston.

It got worse. When I came out of the hall it had started snowing heavily. There were twenty blocks to walk as I didn’t even have bus fare. Buttoning up my jacket, my head facing into the biting wind, I began trudging back. Without mercy the snowfall thickened and blizzard like conditions set in. Finally and all at once, it was too much for me. I stopped in the middle of the sidewalk and peered up into sky; a feeling of utter despair overwhelmed me. All I could hear in the whistling wind were the words which Amma had spoken so many months before. “Ask for nothing and every thing you need will come to you, darling daughter.”

Hot tears spilled onto my cheeks and I felt my knees giving way as I knelt, in the snow, on the sidewalk, on that New York City night. People pushed past me, jostling me, in their hurry to get out from the storm. And there I prayed. I poured my entire being into that prayer. It was a rescue call to Amma to please hear me and to show Her hand. To reach me in this desolate, forlorn condition and to let me know I was reaching Her. It was my moment of greatest need. Why were my hands empty Amma? Why did 3000 miles separate me from where I needed to be? How could I hope to proceed? How would I welcome the brahmacharins in one week when I could not even get myself to Boston the next day? Was there some lack on my part? Was there some other sacrifice more to be made?

After that, I don’t remember much about the twenty blocks I walked except that it was very, very cold.

The next morning I woke up to an empty apartment. In a rather dismal mood I went into the kitchen where there was a note on the countertop. It read:

Dear Gretchen,

I don’t know what your project is, but I wanted to help you.

Ann

And she had left me three $20 bills. I knew the bus fare to Boston was $58.

My throat tightened. Thank you Amma.

But the best was yet to come. When I arrived at my Dad’s house in Boston later that day he told me that two different families had been trying to reach me. They had called that morning hoping to locate me and he handed me their numbers. So I called them. Both families said the same thing – they couldn’t stop thinking about Amma since seeing me some weeks before. The night before they had felt an urge to try and track me down. They wanted to contribute some money to help make the tour happen, what with the pre-tour coming up and Amma arriving in eight weeks, surely I must be in need of something. And they both contributed exactly $5000!

The sun had not had a chance to set even once since I had offered my prayer to Amma. Not one, but two of Her hands She had shown. This is our Amma.

– Kusuma

— to be continued