28 Nov 2007 Darshan

She sings again!

Recently we all visited Holy Mount Arunachala and set out on Giriprakhsina. In our group, the one person who walked effortlessly more than half the distance and still ready to go on was our Kakki ( aunt ). To me this is a miracle.

Kakki who is now 70 plus, has been a heart patient for quite some years. She had always been of delicate health with high BP and diabetes and Kakkappa ( uncle ) has always been taking good care of her. Kakki is a musician who has given Karnatic music performance on All India Radio Mysore, Bangalore, Mumbai and Delhi and several public performances. She loves to cook and serve guests, she loves to go on pilgrimages and love to attend all the marriages in the family.  We all wondered where Kakki got her energy from to handle the double wedding; such was her joy no one had a heart to restrain her as she moved around looking at every detail, visiting hundreds of houses personally inviting friends and relatives, and of course on the day marriage day she was on her feet all the time.

Its only after the children returned to US with their spouses and all of us returned to our own homes, Kakki could rest. By that time the body had taken its toll and she came down with high BP and breathing problem.  A few weeks after the wedding, when I was in B’lore when I phoned Kakkappa I was told that Kakki was in an ICU in a B’lore hospital. So serious was her condition, children rushed from US to spend time with her. She dangerously oscillated between life and death and thank God after a few weeks she stabilized and was sent home —- with strict instructions to take medicine, avoid all exertions and excitements which her fragile heart could no longer take. The heart, doctors said, was functioning at 20 % efficiency and her condition, to put it mildly, delicate. No surgical intervention was contemplated as she was found with an enlarged heart. Medication and rest, was the doctor’s order.

Thus a lady who was ever active, who always loved to meet people and talk and sing was confined to bed, extremely weak, and she could not sleep in the night on account of breathing problem. She had to sit up through out the night and this continued night after night. She barely existed. Husband and children were anxious about her health. Kakki had only one concern — when could she resume her normal routine which included daily walk and music.

It became clear to her the doctors were keeping her barely alive with medicine and this was not the life she wanted. She was getting desperate when in 2002 when Amma came to B’lore.

Kakki went with a friend to have Amma’s darshan. When  Kakki reached the place, a volunteer took her to a chair, made her sit and got her some coffee. She assured her she would not have to wait long as elderly and sick are given darshan first. Kakki joined the Bhajan silently as she had no strength to sing and as soon it was the darshan time the same kind volunteer escorted her to Amma’s presence.

What could a heart patient who has no strength to walk or talk say to Amma ? Was it necessary to utter a word ? Kakki took a step towards Amma as Amma gathered her in her divine embrace. Time stood still. In that glorious hug, Kakki recovered her faith, her strength and her very life.

That night, Kakki told me later, first time in several months she slept; dhe didn’t get up even once. It was a deep and energizing sleep. Her strength came back to her slowly but surely. She started smiling, humming her favourite song and lo one day she could sing in her melodious voice. Soon she was ready to fly to US to join her children.

The cardiologist gave her a check and shook his head in utter disbelief. The patient with a heart working at 20 % efficiency had made a total recovery. The lady who medically speaking had no reason to be alive so to speak was alive and full of life.

Kakki , may Amma’s grace be ever on her, has never looked back since her first darshan of Amma. She is a source of inspiration to all of us in my family. The only medicine that works for her she takes once a year — a divine, joyous hug from Amma when she visits B’lore once a year. Kakki is now waiting for the darshan soon.

Tail piece: My Kakki’s name is Sudhamani, the same name by which Amma was called in her childhood. A lucky coincidence, no doubt.

— Subba Rao

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