24 December 2007, Kodungallur

During the last night’s program, we were told that there was a bus strike starting the next day and to pack and get on the bus by 2 a.m. I quickly did so and noticed my behavior as almost an unfamiliar person: no panic, no irritation, anger or even disappointment. This is Amma’s grace. She wants us to learn these things and in Her presence She gives us the direct experience through the power of Her own energy. A challenge is to maintain this ability after I leave, to sustain these new energetic vibrations she instills in us. I think this is why She emphasizes so much the daily spiritual practices because this will help us stay in tune and keep the door of our hearts open to Her.

We had a bus driver who made the 4-hour trip in 3. I gave up my window seat for my friend Bhagyasri, who wanted to sit with her brother, and I had to hold onto the handle on the back of the seat in front of me to keep from being thrown into the aisle as the bus bumped and jerked on the Indian rough roads, speeding through the night. I knew enough to keep my body relaxed; to not resist the constant abrupt motions, but there was no way to actually be restful. I was so tired, my eyes would close but the few times I drifted off, the bus would jerk me back awake, and I would have to quickly react to keep from falling off the seat. I kept thinking of Amma during the ride; reminiscing of my experiences of the last few days, marveling at the awe of Her, marveling at the incredible blessing of being able to travel with her among her own people.

We left at 2:30 a.m. and the amazing thing was – although I was very tired and wanted to sleep, although I was physically unable to succumb to sleep, I stayed relaxed. When we came onto the ocean road near the ashram, I watched the beautiful full moon over the sea and thought: “Are we here already?” Normally such a grueling journey would feel so uncomfortable, normally time would drag on and the ride would feel excruciatingly slow. Yet I was surprised that 3 hours had already gone by. Amma’s grace was carrying me and I was immersed in a feeling of love and gratitude for Amma and the incredible gift of, not only serving Her as she gave darshan, but the trust She places in us to be “Her representatives” as the tour orientation explained. This is an example to contemplate. Despite all our faults, the ways we ignore Her explicit instructions (such as many Western women still wearing clothes that are too revealing by Kerala standards) – She allows us to work on the stage, to help with the darshan line. Her love and acceptance is so unconditional, I can’t really absorb its reality in my little head.
Jagati, USA