I grew up with Catholic education in the village of Ciampino, located 20 km south of Rome, and throughout childhood and adolescence I fervently attended the activities of my parish. Today I moved away from all that and my family still is not aware of what has happened to me and cannot imagine what Amma means to me. And that this inner connection with the Mother has never, not even minimally affected my faith in God and in Jesus. On the contrary, it is reinforced every day. But how to explain to my family, who think I have been brainwashed? How do I defend myself from what they think of me? These thoughts go on in a vicious circle in my mind.
I met Amma the first time last October in Milan. And only a year ago before I met her, during a glance of her picture, which lasted a few seconds, I realized that She is the one I had been searching for. I felt immense confidence in her, as if I have finally found someone who tells me the truth and will not betray me. I immediately believed and continue to believe that everything She says is safe and pure. From that moment I wanted to be “adopted” by Amma, and started looking forward to the day she would come to Italy. As soon as I saw her in person, I started to cry for no reason and I could not stop. When I received her darshan I felt a gust of fresh air entered my body and a sensation of freedom from all fear at base. I returned from that meeting completely transformed on the inside. Since then, I see my daily difficulties from a different perspective, and all the prayers in my heart for help are answered, as small or big miracles. And thus began a journey to a different awareness…
A few days ago I had a wonderful gift of a dream.
In the dream, I was standing in the garden of my parents’ house, with a darshan ticket in my hands and waiting for my turn for darshan. Around the corner, I could see Amma giving darshan on the street to a group of people crowded around her. At one point, she left the people and moved towards me. The closer she came, the brighter her white sari shined and I the happier I felt. I was so happy that I exploded into an uncontrollable laughter, and then Amma turned to look at me. She stopped, looked at me and said in Italian, “You are always in my thoughts, there is not a moment when I am not thinking about you.” She continued, “Try to rest as you are tired.” And then she continued again, “What are you doing now in your spiritual life is not in conflict with the Catholic Church.”
At that moment I woke, with joy in my heart that accompanied me throughout the day. I have thought and rethought and doubted whether or not this waa but a joke of the mind or an important message of the Mother. Someone with whom I discussed this dream asked me, “But what did you feel in the dream?” And I said: “Immense joy that I have never experience in real life.” Then I realized that Amma wanted to help me, by giving answers to those questions that affected my mind, including the irrational fear of being abandoned, and the sense of guilt against the Church and my family.
Amma’s words give me confidence, sense of security and inner strength. It reminds me that I am not abandoned, but that the Universal Mother is always with me. And this is precisely the comfort that she give me since I started my spiritual practices. My fears gradually waned and I started seeing situations differently, with increased detachment.
–Silvia Nardi, Roma
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