22 Jul 2008 —
Question
Q71: Lie vs Truth?
Question 71:
“Is it ok to lie in order to avoid hurting someone? Or should we always tell the truth, regardless of the possible negative implications?”
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“Speak the truth, pursue righteousness.” This is the great pronouncement of the ancient Upanishads. “There is no greater righteousness than truth”, declares the Puranas. One should never forget these points. Amma, who is the living incarnation of the Upanishads and the Puranas, declares that our words should help everybody. If we are on the verge of hurting somebody with our words, it is better to be silent, even if it is the truth. She doesn’t advise us to tell a lie. She wants us to examine the circumstances of the situation and to determine if it is necessary to tell the truth. From time to time, it’s better to hide something from someone, to know how to keep a secret because the truth may destroy someone’s future or family.
Telling the truth is the highest dharma. Being truthful, as well as living according to noble and moral values. Now, if we know that the truth might hurt someone in one way or the other, we could avoid having to speak… or maybe try to present it in a way in which the harm is minimized…
Would i tell an annoying man my address? Would i tell an innocent child that the world has murders capable of very bad behaviour?…no way…language itself implicates a none reliable source of truth. So why rely on it as the basis of truth? I view wisdom as free from language. So i try to act based on wisdom.
Thank you.
Avoid telling truth if it hurt someone, or avoid speaking at the same time. It depends upon situation, because giving pain to others is also against dharma.
Always tell the truth
Present the truth in a pleasent manner
Don’t tell the truth which hurts others, but this doesn’t mean you should tell lie
Better tell the truth always, because it is the one and only true reality
One should always speak the truth regardless of hurting someone or not. Amma has taught us that we all are one whether it is mankind, plant life, animal life… in fact the whole universe. When we say a lie we are deceiving our own self.
Be truthful at all times by all means. No compromise. In fact, whatever negative implications comes from telling truth would be temporary, and would eventually definitely lead to the right path.
Not hurting anyone is clearly a higher pursuit. Telling the truth mostly involves talking which in any case is considered avoidable. silence is better. Being truthful is a younger brother of searching and living for the ultimate truth and so it is generally a good habit but not if it hurts. So much depends on our attitude behind an act.
satyaM brUyAt priyaM brUyAt na brUyAt satyam apriyam |
priyaM ca nAnRRitaM brUyAt eSha dharmaH sanAtanaH ||
Speak truth in such a way that it should be pleasing to others. Never speak truth, which is unpleasant to others. Never speak untruth, which might be pleasant. This is the path of eternal morality, sanatana dharma.
Source: http://www.advaita.org.uk
reminded of the story of how dharmaputra in mahabharata lied once-the one and only time in his life…that ashwathama had died..
truth is the most powerful virtue and will ultimately reveal itself in its full glory…but i feel lies can be said depending on circumstances….it is better not to hurt someone revealing a bitter truth….it all depends on your conscience…
No. By all means, be truthful no matter what, even if the truth hurts. I feel if that person knwo that he has been lied to, it will hurt even more than now knowing the truth right then and there. The five values of life, are peace, love, right conduct, truth, and nonviolence, meaning that truth should always be told no matter how much it hurts.
Aryaji do you remember this story also for speaking a lie once in his whole life and that too for a noble cause then also Yudhistra had to go to heel for a day.
I think it is ok to tell a lie if the situation will save someone. But let us remember every action has a reaction. For example Bhismha was so resolved to save the King and hence went against the general dharma. So he had to face the consequences, but yet he attained mukthi. Similarly a lie will invite some reaction that we have to face, irrespective of whether it was for good or not. So will truth, if it is going to affect someone.
So the important thing is that we should be able to manage the effects of our actions. Guru’s help will make it easy to handle.
Amma has told us many times how to handle this situation in life. This is also doing your dharma.
Your dharma is doing the right thing in the right way at the right time.
So, if I always do the same thing, in all situations… I am NOT doing my Dharma. Playing by the “Book of Rules” is not doing your Dharma either.
If a suicidal person was asking me if I believed their story that demons were attacking them at this very moment, I would no doubt point over their shoulder and say, “Yes, the demons possess power but together we may stop them.”
If I told them the demons don’t exist except in their mind, they would probably go away thus feeling alone and misunderstood, perhaps commit suicide. This clearly shows you must do the right thing which may be a ‘white’ lie at times. Do your Dharma at all times!
All Mahatmas tell us to be truthful. But they add that truth should not be told if it harms somebody. Also, we can lie if it helps someone and not harm others. We should not bother whether we incur sins by telling a lie as long as it serves a noble purpose.
If the Atman IS the truth, can we ever hope to ‘say’ it?
Not hurting others is something that is within our capability and capacity. Speaking the truth is not, because who are we to judge what the ‘truth’ is? I think it is presumptuous to think that in every situation in life, we know what the ‘truth’ is, or said differently, that what we know and/or believe is the truth. Haven’t you ever gotten into an argument with your spouse or parents or sibling where both sides ferociously claim that the facts (truth) are different? How could we ever experience peace in our relationships with others if we always stuck to speaking the “truth” especially when the “truth” in our limited views and mind capacities is always a “relative” / subjective one, not the ‘absolute’ truth! This of course doesn’t mean one should keep lying to maintain harmony, but that’s where the most important quality of ‘discrimination’ comes in. In the end, I believe that sincere prayer and a sincere desire to not hurt others will enable us to speak the right things in the right situation.
Amma once told a story about a woman who had a weak heart and whose son had an accident and died. If the people came to her and told her straight out “your son died”, she would probably collapse and die herself. However, they could use a little lie or they can hide the truth for a while in order to give her time to accept it. They could tell her “your son had an accident and is injured.” And then, when she gets to the accident site, they could tell her the truth slowly because she would be ready for it.
Sometimes, hiding the truth is better than telling it. I also remember a verse by William Blake: “A truth that’s told with bad intent, beats all the lies you can invent.”
For me its The truth and nothing but the truth!
As Amma says in her book Awaken Children (2):
“True Sannyasins are beyond fear and scandalizing. Such people never do meaningless things simply to please others. They will not swerve from the path of truth and righteousness. They are not afraid to declare the truth in any circumstances. If a Sannyasin acts otherwise, one should understand that he is fearful and is only after name and fame. Don’t try to reap benefits by pleasing others. Be established in Truth.”
i think we need to be constantly alert and aware of what we say in every circumstance. there is a very thin line between saying a lie to avoid hurting someone and trying to make ourselves look better… but if we are always connected to Amma who is within us as our conscience, then what we speak will be without selfish motive.
I very much agree with Anusree. The same subhashitam arises in my mind.”Satyam Bruyat—“. In Sreemad bhagavadam also it is mentioned that if by saying a lie a girl’s marriage is going to happen then it is ok, and in a dangerous condition for the sake of your life then also you can say a lie if it is not hurting others.