18 Apr 2009, Kochi
We are in Cochin, in our ashram here. It is sweltering, even if we sit, without doing anything, still we almost melt away. But in the midst of all this sits Love in a human form, giving darshan to all Her children.
Yesterday there had been a devotee who wanted things a bit different. She had brought a necklace which she wanted Amma to put on her. But as it happens with many of us, when we get to Amma we quite loose touch with our world. So instead of asking Amma to put the necklace around her own neck, she put the necklace around Amma’s neck. Right then she realised what she had done but she was happy enough with how things were. But imagine her surprise when Amma took the necklace off Her neck and put it back around her neck. Amma knew.
Today Padma and her daughter Amrita came to have Amma’s darshan.
“We have experiences from day to day that are testimony to her presence in our lives, but even then the mind doubts at times – ‘Does Amma really know? I am but one amongst thousands of her devotees does She actually remember me? Does She know me?’” said Padma, who is from Calicut.
She and her daughter had set out from Calicut and to them it had seemed that Amma was with them each and every step – it was as if the bus was waiting outside their home to take them to the railway station where they found a train just seemingly waiting for them. Till the point that they reached the ashram and even after they could feel Amma’s presence.
She had brought tulasi along with them to make a mala for Amma. “It had been a long time since I last garlanded her and I had a desire to do so now, but my mind was open – it was up to Her to accept or reject. It was towards the end of the darshan and Amma was trying to finish seeing as many people before 5pm. I reached Amma with mala in hand, but was told by one of the ashramites standing by the side that as Amma had many more people to see I could not take the time to garland Her, I should just offer it at Her side. There was a twinge of sorrow within me. Anyway I had my darshan and I turned away from Amma. I was not aware that Amma was taking that ashramite to task for taking the mala away from me, and not allowing me to garland Her. By the time I was at the end of the ramp, there were many people calling me, “Amma, is calling you!” I came back, not knowing what it was about. When I got back – I was handed the garland and Amma bent down with a sweet smile. I garlanded Her. But then I lost all control and broke out sobbing uncontrollably, as Amma hugged me lovingly once again.”
“The pain was almost unbearably – ‘So much love and compassion, and I had doubted Her! In the midst of thousands my Mother knows me, remembers me, loves me!’”
– Nijamrita
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