Filming Amma is certainly a unique way to experience Her divine presence. One has to be on their toes and alert at all times. It can get so crazy around Amma sometimes, that the mind has many opportunities to act up. Amma always finds a way to bring you back to the present moment though. On several occasions during US tour my mind has wandered while standing near Amma’s chair filming darshan, and She has sent me away with a stern glance. Last week on the large stage here at the ashram, though, Amma found a new way to get me.

Lately I have been filming the pada puja’s at the end of every darshan program here. So, there I was standing right in front of Amma, happily gazing at Her, waiting for the worship of Her beautiful feet to begin. Then, She looked me square in the eye, and Her eyes got real wide, and She says “BOOOOO!” I just jumped. And I guess my eyes got real wide too. Because Amma just started laughing and laughing, joking with the brahmacharis who were sitting near Her.

This went on for some time. What were they laughing at? At first I was laughing too, trying to get a translation of Amma was saying. Everyone just averted their eyes when I asked, so I started feeling self-conscious standing there. I even had the thought “If Amma’s just going to tease me, then I don’t want to be here”.

But later I reflected on the incident. How silly of me. No matter what the Guru does, they are established in Love. Every action, every word, everything about them is Love. Amma may hug us, scold us or laugh at us, but always it is filled with Love; and every action of hers is meant to teach us, to bring us closer to the Truth. We just have to have faith, and accept whatever is given with gratitude and humility.

That day I did not accept what was given unequivocally. My vasanas and insecurities prevented me from feeling Amma’s ever flowing Love. I understand my mistake, and if given another opportunity, I would gladly be Amma’s court jester again.

Puneet, USA
13 Aug 2006