10 Sep 2008, Bihar

The initial days here in Bihar have been extremely tough for me physically and mentally. We have been running from camp to camp offering medical support for the effected, at times it was difficult for me to just film the situation, without being directly involved, having to stay always behind the camera, feeling completely useless. But what could I do, Im not a Doctor, nor can I speak Hindi to console the people. All I can do was watch, and people watched me with such intensity expecting me to do something, to say something. But I just stared back at them, helplessly.

I thought if I can just send news then at least people will find out what is happening here and maybe more help will arrive. As soon as I arrived back at base camp, I set up the laptop and camera just to find out that the firewire port on my camera is actually damaged and therefore it would not be possible to retrieve the footage from there. I thought the only way to be able to send news was to find some News teams out in the field and ask to use their equipment. So next day I set out with that mission and I did find a News team willing to help me. I was exited, I got my laptop and bought it to their vehicle. Then, as I turned on the power the first message that came across the screen was “Please Reinstall Windows”. There was nothing I could do. It was a Divine lila. I asked the nice news team if I could have their phone number and possibly make use of their camera at a later time when I had reinstalled Windows on my computer. They kindly agreed. I pulled out my phone and tried to call the number I was given but then also my phone stopped working. Only God can write a script this good. So I was totally immobilize. The whole purpose of me coming here was gone. This is when total uselessness kicks in. That ‘I’ need to do something, has to go, has to be dropped from all our actions. So what now?

Yesterday work started on construction of the new shelters and I got an opportunity to get my hands dirty. Amma had given instructions to begin building the shelters that day itself, and nothing was ready. After visiting the site and inspecting the ground, the Swamis inquired about the building materials, such as the bamboo, which would become frame work of the large sheds. But nothing was ready. So we decide to go the the bamboo forest and cut and carry the bamboo to the site by ourselves. This infusion of energy made people pop up from all over the place, suddenly there was a hord of people helping us. The work seemed to go effortlessly. That is Amma working through each of us, Her light that guides us in such dark times.

– Sashvat