Jun 16, 2010, Los Angeles
Yesterday was the first day of programs in LA. There was no evening program. Darshan started at 11am and went until 9:30pm
Around 8:30 in the evening, i was feeling weak and tired. I had been fighting the flu for a few days and was still recovering from Devi Bhava in San Ramon and the 5 hour drive to LA. I desperately needed to go to bed. I expected that darshan would last for another hour – during which time Archana would most likely be chanted as is done at each program. There was a small thought in my mind that I also might miss something unexpected – one never knows what can happen at the end of darshan, but I accepted that I would miss this in exchange for a well needed rest. I simply could not stay in the hall any longer.
About an hour later, two of my roommates bounded into the room waking me up. One looked a me and asked if I had seen what happened at the end. When I told him that I had been resting, he immediately said, ‘Bummer, it was awesome. You’re going be so sad……’ The other one interrupted him and said – ‘No… don’t tease him’… I thought at first he was just joking with me.
Turned out Amma sang a bhajan at the end. But before that, Swamiji did Arati to Amma with a lit lamp while she was giving darshan. Amma was showering flower petals on him the whole time. It must have been beautiful.
After that, the harmonium was brought to Amma’s side, and the crowd gathered in closer. Amma sang the new bhajan ‘Devi Devi Devi’ raising the hall to another level of energy.
So was I sad when I heard these words? Surprisingly not so much. Part of me was too tired and weak to muster up any sadness and longing. I had made the decision to go to bed early knowing there was the possibility that I might miss something special. But something deeper inside me was completely ok. I think mostly because I had seen Amma sing like this before. In a sense, Amma had already given me gemstones that I could reflect back on and feel the same joy and happiness that I would have had I been in the hall last night.
Yet despite or in spite of the gemstones, shouldn’t I have been sad? It’s tough – on one hand Amma says that crying and longing for Her is good. Then again, Amma also says that we shouldn’t be so attached to Her form – that the truth lies within. It makes for a fine argument.
I’m sure that if Amma had done something which I hadn’t witnessed previously, I would truly have been sad. Amma gives each of us just what we need, in just the right amounts, at just the right moments.
On the second night, Amma sang:
- Dayakaro Tum
- Giridhar He
- Muralikayirolu
- Hari Om Siva
- Mother Nature
- Ennile Enne Tirinnu
- Tathi Tathi
- Pahi Pahi Devi
- Ma Jai Jagadambe Ma
-Sri Pati
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