“amma yennulloru namam orthidave romancham akunnatenthe?”

oh what a bhajan tonight! amma sang with a full voice.
“ammayennulloru namam orthidave” i love it so much.
these lines are not just written out of imagination by the poet, but they are born out of real experience of his love-bond with amma.

i used to look at the sky and sing
“neelambhudihi yilum neelambudhathilum swetambaramthilum nokki..”
looking into the blue sky, blue ocean, white sky, i stand with my hairs on end.
when i see these i think about you amma. oh kali.. oh shyame.

in the love i forgot everything –
“dahavumilla vishappumillannaho snanadiyum vittu poyi”
– to eat, to drink to sleep at times and and to even meet the calls of nature.. i forgot.

what a love for the divine!

i used to sing this song and cry.

when i could not feel the love, i used to sing with some alteration to the lines.
“ammayennulloru namam orthidave romancham akathatenthe?
amma en amma ee chinthayil innu njan ellam marakkatha tenthe?”
why are my hairs not standing on end when i think of your divine name?
why i am not forgetting everything in the thought ‘amma amma’.

once i even sang like that in front of Amma during darshan. it was before joining the ashram. Amma was giving darshan in the hut with about 10 people around her.

later, after many years, amma told me that she tied me to herself after i sang that song. even though she loves me otherwise, this song was the hook for the divine.

Dhyanamrita

12 Sep 2006