I have been at Amritapuri for three weeks now and there have been many opportunities for learning and growing. Something I would like to share that happened recently shows how Amma fulfills our desires, no matter how small, when we have an attitude of detachment. Since arriving here from the US, I have been able to release one of my bad habits – drinking coffee. I used to drink two cups per day, plus tea in the afternoon. The second day here, I was looking forward to a nice cup of coffee. I purchased one from the cafe and drank it, feeling a little guilty because this was an attachment I wanted to break. Soon after, I became very sick to my stomach, and I felt I shouldn’t have coffee anymore. From that moment on, I have only had one cup of chai in the morning and sometimes afternoon. Before, without coffee, I would get bad headaches, but here, I have not had any. I am grateful to be free of this addiction.

The second incident occurred during meditation day. On Tuesdays, Amma serves prasad lunch after meditation and a question and answer session. I was really looking forward to the payasam (sweet pudding) for dessert – which would satisfy my addiction to sweets. Amma doesn’t give out the payasam itself – it is given out by servers elsewhere in the Temple. I offered to get the pudding for several people sitting around me. This was a real task. As I walked through the crowd with cups filled with payasam, people kept grabbing them from my tray, so by the time I arrived back to my group, there wasn’t enough for everyone. I decided not to take one of the servings, and gave it to someone else, as I knew it wouldn’t be right to keep it when not everyone had a portion. I tried to let go of the craving, but it remained. Finally, I asked Amma fervently in my mind: “Amma, I really want some payasam!” Then I let it go and figured whatever happens is ok. I then went to my seva shift at the cafe. I was tempted to buy a cookie or piece of cape to assuage my sweet tooth. But then chai time came, and I decided to by happy with that as my treat for the day. Two minutes later, a young woman came into the cafe with a plate full of payasam and asked if I would like some. Of course I enthusiastically accepted!

Later, reflecting on the events, I felt it was my letting go of the outcome and being content with what I had that allowed my desire for payasam to be fulfilled. Even though this was a small simple desire, Amma’s lesson was invaluable.

Vimala – USA
25 Aug 06