30 Aug 2008 —
Question
Q78: Self opinion?
Question 78:
“Sincerely, what is your opinion about yourself? How great (or unlucky or sinful or blessed) do you secretly believe that you are?”
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God, this question has really humbled me down… I have to honestly admit that often, I secretly do have a rather high opinion of myself. My mind-ego simply usually covers this up by putting it under ‘Amma’s blessings, grace, etc…’ It is probably the same mechanism when we have a low opinion of ourselves…
An amma child who is blessed with her love but has to go a long way to feel her always.
Really blessed, AMMA is within!!!
At times I feel proud of myself, at times I feel dejected by my vasanas. Amma once told me to become a zero before becoming a hero. One thing is sure I am lucky to be guided by Amma. I know I am blessed when I feel her grace.
Well, i feel really lucky but sometimes i feel like i am worth nothing and i do not deserve anything. I don’t feel proud about this kind of selfhate but i have learned to accept myself more and more as i am. This helps me to overcome and forgive my unwise actions easier. I have a good opinion of myself but i know there is a lot more to become aware of and give up.
When one walks in darkness, one would naturally stumble and may fall in ditches so also the soul in darkness of life commits the blunders that take one to all sufferings and sorrows.
Guru’s grace is the transforming power behind the sinner into a saintly man having erased the dark blinding ego and its false desires.
a mystery.. to myself.. may be one day i will know who i am.. may be i won’t… 🙁
Blessed. Am trying to rembember this always. The tremendous blessings showered by Jagatguru AMMA several times and AMMA is continuing by Her endless kindness and Love.
When Amma is always there holding me in Her arms as I face all that is offered, softly teaching me the valuable lessons in all experiences, what more do I need? I’m extremely blessed indeed.
there are more than a few moments when I have to stop and think of how blessed I am to be alive and to have met Amma and to spend any amount of time with Her. Then, I realize how much of a knucklehead I am to have come so far and so many lifetimes to be in Her service, and still I mess it up – both unconsciously and consciously.
when i see amma,receive her darshan and near amma,i feel i’m the most lucky person in the world.But again when i miss amma,her smile,her physical presence,when i can’t perceive amma within myself, i’m the most unlucky person.
I feel that I am a good person and blessed to be with Amma. 🙂
With no doubt at all…
I am a filthy, thieving, contemptuous, manipulating, murderous, bigot, racist, sexist, abuser and clever liar, who’s gigantic ego, whose every thought is nothing but contempt for the world and disgusting in every way.
This personality is the lowest of the low and deserves the most heinous punishment.
Everyone in this world is better than me and if any one claims to be lower than me, may they be damned!
This is no joke, but only my simple answer to above question!
I am there, I was there, I will be there. I have been given a role to play whether it is a lucky one or unlucky one how does it matter it has been awarded to this body as a result of my past karmas. Yes I am a blessed one as in this birth I have got a human body in which one can chant GOD/AMMA’s name, sing his/her glories, meditate and a get a vision of the almighty and realize ones inner self.
@ ChetanG
Wow! But I don’t think you are the person you mentioned… we all have the “capacity” to be like that though… Now, as we are all Amma’s children…we cease to exist as we “were”.. I think…
I am blessed being Amma’s child. One who develops full faith in Her has nothing to worry about through out his/her life. Amma will always be there to lead you.
When I think coolly, there is a lot to feel good and grateful about how I was and also, how I am being re-vamped. At other times, something comes between the sun and me. I have to make a conscious effort to remember and assert that we are beings of light. If I came to Amma it means somewhere I must have done something good and the universe has taken that into account!
This summer through Amma’s grace I was faced with the acute awareness of how I never learned to love because I never received it growing up. And then Amma showed me, in no uncertain terms, that She Herself truly does love me, even with all my faults. There was no mistake about it. And I was totally blown away. It sounds so simple and obvious, but that experience and Her continuing guidance is healing my deep, tortured, wounded self. My heart is opening and I am beginning to learn to love. Truly… myself, and all beings. What a blessing!
I think I am blessed to have my share of detractors and well wishers. I feel blessed that I have Amma’s blessings and my loved ones who encourage and provide me with warmth and care. I have the knowledge and a well abled body to perform daily routines. But at the same time, to ensure I donot become egoistical, I have my fair share of detractors whom I am actually weirdly thankful for. Because without them, I won’t be this much stronger. Without them, I would be an egoistical fool.
Amma, thanks so much for your wisdom and teachings. I admit I am still learning to be your humble child.
i almost always feel bad. why? because i am not able to control my mind. then i feel very low. a wasted life. life is a bad dream.
once in a while i feel it is ok, when i meet Amma.
Ten years ago before I met Amma, I was drifting along like most people around me, but after meeting Amma, I have felt so much Grace, it has transformed my life to a meaningful, purposeful life with the highest goal in mind – to work as much as possible towards becoming one with Amma and Self. Reading everyone’s comments above makes me think that most of the people are also feeling Amma’s Grace in their lives – She is transforming so many lives, the greatness of the Satguru Amma!
to me it’s in and out. when i am connected i feel very safe and blessed again. when it’s disconnect i feel i am the most unlucky in the world.
For most parts I feel blessed and grateful for what I am and what experiences come my way. Some of them help to stop my ego from getting bloated. Some of them help me to not loose confidence in myself. There are some times when I feel that I am not understood and I am surrounded by folks always wanting something from me. Those are the times when I feel pressurised and seek solitude. However through all this I try to see Amma in things around me and in me and I am blessed to have Amma in my life to be able to do this.
What is my actual experience of myself – An individual with lot of self-importance and self-love. Why? Based on how I react. Prickly when someone hurts me, scared and hurtful and resentful. Happy when someone praises me.
After coming to Amma, I am beginning to understand that I am not the person I was automatically/unconsciously being. I am actually a wonderful, divine part of Amma. Nothing less.
Now how am I to make this my experience/my reality? When I am able to step back and watch the fear, the anger, I still feel the hurt to my self-image and the anger which arises, but I am aware that I am not that.
In reality how much percentage of time am I really being with? Very little. From being absolutely unconscious, I am now conscious that I am unconscious.
I think everything happens for a reason, and it’s either Karma, or God will it. It’s the way you perceive it, I think everyone is blessed no matter how horrible their position is because it all happens for a reason, and God wants it for us to grow. I know that sometimes I feel so unlucky or I think that my life sucks, but then I have to think about it and realise that it’s all Karma and that Amma wants it to happen to me so I get something out of it, whether it’s enjoyment or learning a lesson. I love my Amma so much. It’s just so great to know that everything happens for a reason. 🙂
I excuse all my faults because it is very easy to realize (for me!) that I never would have any if I were truly in control of myself. Recognizing a fault, who wants to keep it?! But I only have a very small ability at control. If one is into spirituality, the ego struggles to increase that control because a better person makes a happier ego. But I have to ask myself, is spirituality about control? Even what appears to be my little ability to effect a change for the better… where did it come from? Why can’t I produce more of this ability at will? Again, we are wanting to share the role of Creator with Amma. You take 80% and I’ll hold onto 20% control over my life! There’s not much logic in that, is there? But logic is hard to hold onto when the maya of individuality is so dense, isn’t it.
TREMENDOUSLY BLESSES! Even before I physically met or understood Amma She has always been with me, and has made Her Presence felt in my life.
I also feel that I am more of the ‘mind’ and that, most of times, is arrogance. I seek innocence, I pray to be ‘innocence’.
I believe that i’m extremely lucky, but i feel guilty that i should do more with what i have.
I feel lucky, blessed and well protected, and i am deeply grateful and thankful for that.
Yes i believe that i am great, but not secretly, publicly. At the stand point of body mind and intellect i feel being blessed. Because i am sometimes the child and sometimes the disciple and sometimes the devotee and sometimes the friend of the most beloved Amma.
What else i need? 100 percent I am blessed, i am lucky to be guided and protected by Amma. when i see Amma, receive her darshan and be near her, i feel i’m the most lucky person becoz she always asks few personal questions and share her movements with me. mother and daughter bond which is great.